Don't Heckle The Supervillain

Letters and numbers

I used to think I was a pretty good writer. But after thinking about and looking through my blog entries I realize I have been kidding myself. I'm not very good at it. I can never seem to get the poetry in my head down on paper properly. Either that or I'm vastly over estimating the content in my mind. Also, a very plausible explanation.

What kind of weekend was it?

Well, if you'd asked me on Sunday where I would be on Friday I wouldn't have said "On a plane to California."

And now I'm back in D.C.

Leaving was so much harder this time. I actually became physically ill. And I have so many questions, which have been answered for the most part.

"Am I a good partner? Is she happy?" And on and on.

And I got some news this week too. A date has been fixed. She's moving out here. February. My reaction has been muted but I'm doing cartwheels in my mind. I honestly don't believe I can describe how happy I am.

And I just want her to be happy with the choice. I want to make sure she never regrets it.

But, back to my point, leaving was so much harder this time. I made a fool out of myself. Exposed myself in a way that was terrifying.

I've got to come back to these thoughts later. I haven't sorted them all out yet.

That is all.

Reminders.

How often do you clean out your wallet(or purse)? Or, more to the point, do you save mementos?

I do.

In my recent round of wallet cleaning I found the following things:

Receipt from Cardena's (see birthday post).

Receipt from Carl's Jr.

Two hotel door cards (keys)

I love keeping things like this because they bring back such great memories. The Cardena's receipt you can read about in my birthday post. Carl's Jr. makes me laugh because it brings back a conversation which I really enjoyed and continues to this day. The two hotel keys, well, let's just say that's private but good memories associated. :-)

Momentos are important I think. Little reminders like those are like candy. A small little piece of joy that bring a warm and happy feeling. They aren't huge, they aren't big things, just small moments that come back and wash over you like a warm breeze.

That is all.

Shooting yourself in the foot.

In a (stereo)typical relationship the guy doesn't care enough. Or cares just enough to get by. I have the opposite problem. I care too much. And it causes problems too. I'm sure there are plenty of women who wish their guy cared more. Be careful, it can be exhausting, or so I'm told. It's a behavior that I try to curb. Sometimes I do well, sometimes I don't. It tends to be cyclical in many ways. I can go through periods where I'm fine. Then I go through periods where I worry. At the same time, the cycle within a cycle is that I know what behaviors cause the problem but no matter how hard I try sometimes to avoid those behaviors I don't, it feeds on itself. Wheels within wheels.

I'm trying to let it go. It's hard to feel completely comfortable when the person you love lives on the other side of the country. And it's not that I'm on the fence about the relationship, I'm all the way in. I need to trust that she is too.

It was pointed out to me that the person, the kind and wonderful person who has endured my temporary insanity, has told me of her intention to move across country to live with me, discussed her desire to marry (me) (eventually) :-) and loves me. That reminder gave me perspective. It helps to have someone point out when you're being dense.

By the same token, I've been patient too. I've shown the same degree of love and affection and understanding when the shoe has been on the other foot. It's hard to remember that too when you're frustrated. I know she will eventually.

We're both good people. We're good together. We both have our facets and our flaws.

For my part I just need to shut up and relax.

Why pour it all out here. Because sometimes you need to take a step back and a deep breath.

That is all.