Don't Heckle The Supervillain
...No Mr. Bond I expect you to die. Transmissions from a criminal mastermind in the making.Thursday, June 28, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
Three Panel Soul
The guys who did Mac Hall are now doing another comic...
Three Panel Soul.
I've been reading it for a while...it's good :-)
The guys who did Mac Hall are now doing another comic...
Three Panel Soul.
I've been reading it for a while...it's good :-)
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Something she said...
I just wanted to be able to remember it.
She still can choose not to up and walk away.
Nico, u are the first person i didnt just up and walk away from and that
makes u so special to me. Gnite sweetie
I just wanted to be able to remember it.
She still can choose not to up and walk away.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
I don't know
Woke up this morning to a dream. I was in a house I didn't recognize, two women on the floor in the living room I didn't know. Somehow I knew Nikki was in a room across the hall. I saw her, she waved me over to her. I don't remember if we touched but I had that same feeling I always get around her. Then we were in the bathroom together. I was brushing my teeth and she was putting her hair up with a band. And she said "So I got lucky a couple days ago."
I stopped brushing my teeth and stormed out of the bathroom. I went outside and got in an SUV and drove away. Then I drove to my house (?) in Wisconsin and got into my car there. Drove past my sister walking my dead dog Cookie .
I can't even bare the thought of it in a dream.
Anyway, I woke up late, had to rush into the office to make sure it was open for the crew. Sent a stupid text message on the way, I didn't think she'd get it or be awake. I'm only staying until 6:30am or 7am. Then I'm working from home today. I just don't feel well.
Woke up this morning to a dream. I was in a house I didn't recognize, two women on the floor in the living room I didn't know. Somehow I knew Nikki was in a room across the hall. I saw her, she waved me over to her. I don't remember if we touched but I had that same feeling I always get around her. Then we were in the bathroom together. I was brushing my teeth and she was putting her hair up with a band. And she said "So I got lucky a couple days ago."
I stopped brushing my teeth and stormed out of the bathroom. I went outside and got in an SUV and drove away. Then I drove to my house (?) in Wisconsin and got into my car there. Drove past my sister walking my dead dog Cookie .
I can't even bare the thought of it in a dream.
Anyway, I woke up late, had to rush into the office to make sure it was open for the crew. Sent a stupid text message on the way, I didn't think she'd get it or be awake. I'm only staying until 6:30am or 7am. Then I'm working from home today. I just don't feel well.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Moments of weakness...
I haven't had one in a while.
Tonight I had fast food for dinner...
More than I should have...I ate what I used to eat.
It made me sick.
I don't care...it's better than...this.
I haven't had one in a while.
Tonight I had fast food for dinner...
More than I should have...I ate what I used to eat.
It made me sick.
I don't care...it's better than...this.
K & R
If you haven't seen the last 15 minutes of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip you need to watch it.
You'll know the moment. You'll know the song.
I can't believe in chance after this...
"Are you incapable of doing anything in a normal way?"
"Well, you make it pretty hard..."
Show me something...
If you haven't seen the last 15 minutes of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip you need to watch it.
You'll know the moment. You'll know the song.
I can't believe in chance after this...
"Are you incapable of doing anything in a normal way?"
"Well, you make it pretty hard..."
Show me something...
Nervous Energy
She is on my mind.
My chest aches.
I want to call her, I want to talk to her, I want to know everything will be fine again.
I want to know she still loves me. I want to make her smile.
I want to see her and hold her in my arms. And make the world right.
I don't know if any of these things will happen ever again and that uncertainty pains me but not so much as knowing that she will no longer be in my life.
So I'm waiting.
And I can only hope she will believe that I love her.
She is on my mind.
My chest aches.
I want to call her, I want to talk to her, I want to know everything will be fine again.
I want to know she still loves me. I want to make her smile.
I want to see her and hold her in my arms. And make the world right.
I don't know if any of these things will happen ever again and that uncertainty pains me but not so much as knowing that she will no longer be in my life.
So I'm waiting.
And I can only hope she will believe that I love her.
Notes from the edge of reason.
I should be writing an incident report right now. But on the way into work about 15 different things popped into my head. And when I got in I started dealing with the items of the day...but I wanted to find that song...and now I want to try and recapture some of those 15 things...
I lied...
Yes. I did. I was jealous.
Unloveable...
I'm not a normal guy. I guess I'm hard to love. Sometimes it does feel like I'm unlovable. The Jonathan Coulton song posted below there is a lyric "What if the best that I can be just isn't good enough...isn't it better not to know?". I feel like that, what if my best, the most I can give is never enough for the people I love...is it really so hard to find in me something special and unique that can light up their life the way they light up mine? There are certainly days that it feels that way.
Diet Mountain Dew is not a breakfast drink...
Yet it's all I've got.
A spark of truth can inspire...
Just when everything looks bleakest it amazes me how a moment of pure honesty, without fear of consequence, can bring about compromise, understanding, reconcilliation. You can say something so pure that it can strike a chord of truth in another person's heart and soul.
There were like 15 people all headed into the same building...
I got to work at 5:30am EST this morning (or is it EDT for daylight savings?). Anyway, there were about 15 to 20 people going into the building across from mine. It made me wonder how long people had been arriving there at that time. It may be decades... It made me think that when I was 15 waking up (or more likely going to bed) at 4:30am in Wisconsin that some of these same people, or those who held their jobs previously, might be going to work just like every other day before and after. That both intrigues and scares me. You like to think that your life is special and unique. That's one of the things I love about the early morning. It feels like I'm the only one in the world. But the notion that others are up and working and unlike myself who is only getting up this rare time, that this is their day to day life. That robs the moment of some of its gravity I think.
I'm tired...
And I want to go home.
When did I become this guy...
It hasn't been that long, really, not long at all since I didn't take my career that seriously. March. The end of March was when this all started. And I don't know how it quite all happened. One day I was wearing jeans, polos and sneakers to work, not shaving and, on rare occasions, not showering. Getting up was hard, going to bed was hard, sleeping was hard. And while I always wanted to do my job well it was more for personal satisfaction wanting to be the best at what I did. I didn't care about the end result just as long as I did my part right.
Now that world is gone. I get up every day without fighting myself and I'm early to work. There's only one person that can change that at all...for her I'd learn to stop time. But I digress. Now, I roll out of bed and I head to the shower. I shave (I still hate that by the way). I put on clothes that once felt completely uncomfortable (slacks, business shoes, button down shirt and tie) but feel more and more like normal. I act like a manager. I've become responsible for more than just my part of the job. And I look at the mirror and wonder who the hell am I looking at? But that person, I know, has always been inside me. I recognize that guy inside me who will do anything and everything he can to meet expectations. To be the hero.
Crazy.
Close a door, open a window...
The funny thing is that the personal side of my life is or has gone to hell. I'm not talking about my love life here...just my life. My apartment is messy, I need to do laundry pretty badly and I have no groceries. I need to get some sleep, that certainly takes priority but then I need to do these other things too. Saturday and Sunday just can't get here fast enough. And it's only Tuesday.
We gotta get outta this place...
The more I think about it, the more I need to go somewhere and start over. My father always had a bit of the wanderer in him too and I think I've inherited his trait. If only I could find someone who wanted to travel with me. :-)
My employees are morons...
We lost our key card reading system this weekend. It's in the process of being repaired but until it is our doors are now just doors. For some reason my employees have trouble understanding this...even though all day yesterday they walked in and out. I'm stunned by people's lack of initiative...try the damn door!!! Does it open? Holy crap it's a miracle!
Conversely, these same people know that the magnets are still active on a few doors. That's why we had them propped open. And yet they closed them. Now they're locked again. And we can't gain access to some key areas on the site. Just stunning.
Yes, I know. I'm being a snob I guess. I expect people to do what I would do. But I'm venting ok? Give me a break. Everyone needs to vent.
That's not 15...
I know. But it's almost 7am and I need to get to work. Things are going to pick up any minute now...
I should be writing an incident report right now. But on the way into work about 15 different things popped into my head. And when I got in I started dealing with the items of the day...but I wanted to find that song...and now I want to try and recapture some of those 15 things...
I lied...
Yes. I did. I was jealous.
Unloveable...
I'm not a normal guy. I guess I'm hard to love. Sometimes it does feel like I'm unlovable. The Jonathan Coulton song posted below there is a lyric "What if the best that I can be just isn't good enough...isn't it better not to know?". I feel like that, what if my best, the most I can give is never enough for the people I love...is it really so hard to find in me something special and unique that can light up their life the way they light up mine? There are certainly days that it feels that way.
Diet Mountain Dew is not a breakfast drink...
Yet it's all I've got.
A spark of truth can inspire...
Just when everything looks bleakest it amazes me how a moment of pure honesty, without fear of consequence, can bring about compromise, understanding, reconcilliation. You can say something so pure that it can strike a chord of truth in another person's heart and soul.
There were like 15 people all headed into the same building...
I got to work at 5:30am EST this morning (or is it EDT for daylight savings?). Anyway, there were about 15 to 20 people going into the building across from mine. It made me wonder how long people had been arriving there at that time. It may be decades... It made me think that when I was 15 waking up (or more likely going to bed) at 4:30am in Wisconsin that some of these same people, or those who held their jobs previously, might be going to work just like every other day before and after. That both intrigues and scares me. You like to think that your life is special and unique. That's one of the things I love about the early morning. It feels like I'm the only one in the world. But the notion that others are up and working and unlike myself who is only getting up this rare time, that this is their day to day life. That robs the moment of some of its gravity I think.
I'm tired...
And I want to go home.
When did I become this guy...
It hasn't been that long, really, not long at all since I didn't take my career that seriously. March. The end of March was when this all started. And I don't know how it quite all happened. One day I was wearing jeans, polos and sneakers to work, not shaving and, on rare occasions, not showering. Getting up was hard, going to bed was hard, sleeping was hard. And while I always wanted to do my job well it was more for personal satisfaction wanting to be the best at what I did. I didn't care about the end result just as long as I did my part right.
Now that world is gone. I get up every day without fighting myself and I'm early to work. There's only one person that can change that at all...for her I'd learn to stop time. But I digress. Now, I roll out of bed and I head to the shower. I shave (I still hate that by the way). I put on clothes that once felt completely uncomfortable (slacks, business shoes, button down shirt and tie) but feel more and more like normal. I act like a manager. I've become responsible for more than just my part of the job. And I look at the mirror and wonder who the hell am I looking at? But that person, I know, has always been inside me. I recognize that guy inside me who will do anything and everything he can to meet expectations. To be the hero.
Crazy.
Close a door, open a window...
The funny thing is that the personal side of my life is or has gone to hell. I'm not talking about my love life here...just my life. My apartment is messy, I need to do laundry pretty badly and I have no groceries. I need to get some sleep, that certainly takes priority but then I need to do these other things too. Saturday and Sunday just can't get here fast enough. And it's only Tuesday.
We gotta get outta this place...
The more I think about it, the more I need to go somewhere and start over. My father always had a bit of the wanderer in him too and I think I've inherited his trait. If only I could find someone who wanted to travel with me. :-)
My employees are morons...
We lost our key card reading system this weekend. It's in the process of being repaired but until it is our doors are now just doors. For some reason my employees have trouble understanding this...even though all day yesterday they walked in and out. I'm stunned by people's lack of initiative...try the damn door!!! Does it open? Holy crap it's a miracle!
Conversely, these same people know that the magnets are still active on a few doors. That's why we had them propped open. And yet they closed them. Now they're locked again. And we can't gain access to some key areas on the site. Just stunning.
Yes, I know. I'm being a snob I guess. I expect people to do what I would do. But I'm venting ok? Give me a break. Everyone needs to vent.
That's not 15...
I know. But it's almost 7am and I need to get to work. Things are going to pick up any minute now...
Serendipity
I heard this on the way in to work this morning. Usually I'm not a big fan of the "Idol" artists. But this song just, well, I could relate to the lyrics. It's so funny when you get in the car and a song just pops up on the radio that captures the way you feel. It is hard not to believe, at moments like that, that there is something coherent in the universe, it's hard not to believe, just a little, that some things might be intended and not just chance. While the story in the video deals with soldiers returning home my perspective on it was a little different this morning. I saw it from my point of view, wanting to be with someone who is far far away (yes, that's a Shrek 2 referrence) and whom I love. The distance and the pain of missing that person who makes you feel...
I heard this on the way in to work this morning. Usually I'm not a big fan of the "Idol" artists. But this song just, well, I could relate to the lyrics. It's so funny when you get in the car and a song just pops up on the radio that captures the way you feel. It is hard not to believe, at moments like that, that there is something coherent in the universe, it's hard not to believe, just a little, that some things might be intended and not just chance. While the story in the video deals with soldiers returning home my perspective on it was a little different this morning. I saw it from my point of view, wanting to be with someone who is far far away (yes, that's a Shrek 2 referrence) and whom I love. The distance and the pain of missing that person who makes you feel...
Friday, June 08, 2007
Big Bad World One
Sorry to keep throwing out videos but music is really illustrating my feelings today...
Sorry to keep throwing out videos but music is really illustrating my feelings today...
Code Monkey not thinking so straight...Code Monkey not feeling so great.
Austin by Blake Shelton
The things you want to say...
The things you want to say...
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Looking to the left...
I hope it all works out.
I hope I can see the woman I love again soon.
I hope she will smile when she sees me...
I need to move to California.
I hope it all works out.
I hope I can see the woman I love again soon.
I hope she will smile when she sees me...
I need to move to California.
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