Don't Heckle The Supervillain

Mix tape music

I think one of the most common experiences of middle-class Americans my age would be making a mix tape. You remember, in middle school...you liked some girl or some guy. You'd go out and if you really liked that person you'd make a mix tape.

At it's best you're using someone else's poetry to describe the feelings another person evokes in you. At it's worst you're using horribly cheesy songs to woo another in your angsty efforts to take your first steps into your adolescent love life.

I'd like to think that, as I've gotten older, my choices would become more sophisticated. That I could be more suave, more subtle in getting the depth and breadth of my feelings across. Not to say that the music wouldn't or couldn't be good. But that I could find themes and more layered meanings in the songs I used to express my love and affection. But most importantly, realizing that it's not just about expressing the things I feel but trying to find something that evokes those feelings in the object of my affections. Finding things she would like, even if she's never heard them, finding things that would make her smile.

On a different end of the same spectrum...

It was always nice to receive one too. As silly as it may seem to older eyes, I think it is a nice way for expressing affection. When done right, it takes time and effort. The person has to put some thought into you, into the things you might like, into the music they select on their behalf and that they think you will enjoy.

What brought all this up? I heard Christina Aguilera's "Ain't No Other Man" recently. Pop? Yeah, and cheesy too. Very fashionable and hip. I couldn't help but think that some girl out there will put it on a CD (times have changed) for some guy. I envy that boy (and odds are he's a 15-20 year old male). Because if she feels that way for even just a minute he's lucky. And if for just one minute she inspires him to be better by including that song on a mix CD for him. Well, then I think it doesn't matter if it's cheesy pop or fashionably hip. I think it's sweet.

A long time ago a now ex-girlfriend's mother pronounced me a soft touch. "Yeah," I said, " but don't tell anyone it will ruin my reputation." Yes, I'm a soft touch.

In the future who knows what technology will exist. Some boy or girl will probably load a playlist onto someone's ipod. But mix tapes will still exist in some form or other, no matter how they work. That makes me smile. It gives me hope.

It makes me think about someone I love...

I need to start looking at my music collection so...

That is all.

On Regret

No regrets is a popular aphorism. No regrets. I say it’s what you regret not no regrets at all. I don’t regret time lost, energy or money spent. I regret what might have been. I regret losing all the moments to come. Watching someone grow. Sharing unique and wonderful experiences with someone who means so much to you. Knowing that if you could just get past the “now” that the “then” would be something great.

I regret that I won’t be able to become a part of the lives of the people I’ve met. That I’ve become a memory…”remember that guy you used to…” That I’ve become the villain in stories, never directly blamed but certainly implied. No one there to share your side of the story, no one there to point out the lies or, at least, the facts lost to memory. No one there to remind them that maybe they weren't always a barrel of laughs or that they had shortcomings of their own..."Yeah, I said that but remember it was right after you, ya know, cheated on me."All the warmth and affection washed away by the stench of an incomplete and failed end. Knowing that the one who knew you best won’t step to your defense because of their own sense of embarrassment, stubbornness, loss or regret. The “You’re better off” sentiment. It may be true, it may not be. The friends never step up and say “You blew it, huge. That was something special and you threw it away.” Funny, I thought friends were supposed to tell you the truth, not the lies you want to believe. It won’t be for a while anyway, not until the “remember that guy…” moment. But it’s as predictable as the sunrise.

Perhaps the worst regret of all is knowing that you are the only one who has regrets. That, while purely for the show of it, others may seem to have regrets (not because they actually do but simply to lie to others, or worse yet, themselves) they are secretly glad. That you are the only one who will miss the mornings and the nights and the afternoons. That the laughter rings only still in your ears. That the solemn pain of loss is solely yours.

That someone else has no regrets.