Don't Heckle The Supervillain

Anticipation of death...

Lately I have been freaking out.

Last week Wednesday I had at interview w/ a company called Aristotle. At the time I didn't think it went well. I dislike most interviews. I hate tooting my own horn, at least professionally, and I find it frightening how much depends simply on having a good day. Obviously, if you don't know it you don't know it but it's the innuendo, the unspoken surveillance the parties involved partake in during the process that unnerves me. Competency doesn't always win, that's not always bad. They tagged me a lot on the lack of experience I had managing other people. Well, yeah, that's why I want THIS job.

The company looks really great. The people are smart and they seem to be right on the cusp of explosive growth. It would be a real challenge to be a part of that kind of growth. I find myself becoming excited at the prospect of working for them.

Which, considering how my second interview yesterday, seems less likely. I didn't get a great vibe the first time and I was wrong but I honestly do not think that things went well yesterday. I'm not saying they went badly, but I doubt I "wooed" them. I feel frustrated. Every part of me wants to scream I CAN DO THIS JUST LET ME TRY! Interviews are like first dates only worse. And how often do you have great chemistry on first dates? Like .01% of the time? Second interviews are like being introduced to his/her friends. Only you don't have the option of not giving a damn what her friends think. It shatters my otherwise (more than) healthy ego.

It also brings into stark relief how crappy my current job is right now. Of course that reminds me of the old joke "No matter how beautiful the woman there's some guy who's sick and tired of taking her shit." But for the first time in a while, this position seems like it could really challenge me. Really engage me. That makes knowing that I won't get it burn all the more in my gut. So now I'm just waiting for the inevitable axe to fall. Paranoid every time I check my e-mail. Scared to check it, scared not to. Don't even get me started on checking my phone messages.

I can't even conceive of how nervous I will be if, by some miracle, I get the thing...what will I do then? Probably curl up in ball and cry from joy/fear. But I couldn't do that for long...there would be work to be done.

Ah fuck...I'm not gonna get it. Damn.

That is all.