Don't Heckle The Supervillain

Uh...yeah

This quote seems rather poetically appropriate for my life as of late:

Holden: Don't you ever want anything more for yourself? I know this poor hapless son of a bitch does. I look into his sorry doe eyes and I just, I see a man crying out. He's crying out, "When Lord? When the fuck can your servant ditch this foul-mouthed little chucklehead to whom I am a constant victim of his folly, so much so that it prevents him from ever getting to kiss a girl, fuck! When, Lord when? When's gonna be my time?

It's Holden's speech from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Kevin Smith's Star Wars Fan film.

Uh, I'm gonna go try and get some sleep now 'cause I'm getting really punchy. And not in a good way. Finally, you may notice in the quote above references to being the Lord's servant, etc and say to yourself, "Wait, he doesn't believe in that!" True, you are correct, I don't. But think of it more as general bitching about my current status in life rather than an appeal to a higher power.

Yup. Definately punchy.

That is all.

Just for the record

In case something happens to me. I'm not feeling well. I have a headache and I'm nausious.

That is all.

Incredibly random stuff

So I woke up at four am and I haven't been able to get back to sleep. Naturally, I sat down at the computer, but the screen was so bright. My solution? Wear sunglasses while sitting at my computer desk at four am. I almost wish I had a picture.

By the way, you up for a good laugh? Go here.

After you look, I'll tell you which ones I like.

Meanwhile, even taken out of context this comic is pretty damn funny.

Now on to my favorites: #4281, #4753, #5301 and #5259.

Ah, another wasted Friday. God, I can't wait to get back to work.

That is all.

Happy Birthday to You

Today is Fil's birthday. I didn't post anything earlier for two reasons. One, I knew everyone was going to be at his place tonight and I didn't want to give anything away. Two, I'm lazy. I'm very, very, very, very lazy.

Anyway, birthday's are a time to reflect, or so I'm told. So here's a little something from Paul Simon to help you look back Fil.

"First time I heard 'Satisfaction'
I was young and unemployed
Down the decades every year
Summer leaves and my birthday's here
And all my friends stand up and cheer
And say man you're old"

Paul Simon, Old, You're The One

Happy Birthday Fil!

That is all.

Brother can you spare $100,000?

I can't believe this is being sold, in the words of Indiana Jones "IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!" Too bad I can't chart a boat to Tunisa to make sure it doesn't fall in the hands of, you knew it was coming, KHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all.

More movies...

Caught The Bourne Identity. Not bad. Solid action and entirely plausable, save the inexplicable reason they decide to start hunting the main character. But really, it was a solid action flic.

But still, I'd go see Lilo and Stitch first.

That is all.

Back from the theater...

I just saw Lilo and Stitch.

Was it good? Yes. Was it great? Yes. Is it everything you think it will be? And more.

The surfing scene alone, to the song Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride (I bought the soundtrack after, just for this song), was worth it.

A great, great movie full of humor and warmth. It really is funny. And heartwarming. And just plain terrific. Go see it, really.

My only word of advice, go see it when there will be a bare minimum of children to whine through it.

That is all (I'm off to the theater again). *THUMP* (Door closing, sound of car speeding off into the distance).

LILO AND STITCH

LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH! LILO AND STITCH!

That is all.

Becky

I saw the movie The Shadow the other night for the first time in a long time.

A long time ago, senior year of high school, I dated this girl named Becky. She was a great girl; smart, funny and attractive. One of the many things we bonded over was the movie The Shadow. Becky understood how truely funny the film was, how it both played on and yet was a student of the era and conventions of the time that spawned the character (read it again, it makes sense, really it does). Enjoying the film wasn't a significant part of our relationship but it was a good example of how a good couple compliments each other.

Becky really was great. We not only had similar interests but we also reveled in each other's differences, even over time. We got along great, we laughed and had fun. We accepted each other, took the other at face value. That's pretty rare. The entire time we were together I was happy. Naturally, I treated her like crap. Ignored her emotionally, took advantage of her physically and ended the relationship badly. I'd like to claim immaturity but that wasn't it. It was ignorance and insensitivity. I knew what I was doing and that it would be harmful, but I did it anyway. No excuses. And certainly not a shining example of my life's good works. Knowing what I know now, I'd kill to have that relationship back.

So, Becky K, where ever you are, I'm sorry.

That is all.

The greatest feeling I've ever had...

This may sound a bit weird, a bit untoward. I assure you it's nothing sexual. It was, in fact, better than any sex I have ever had in my life. A couple of years ago when I was still dating the pain from PA I had a bad case of pneumonia. I mean severely bad. Lay you up in bed for a week bad. I drove myself to the emergency room. When they took my temp it was about 107. The doctor asked me know I got there, I told him I drove. "You drove yourself?" he said, "You shouldn't be able to walk, much less drive!" The nurse noted that, when she took my blood, it was hot to the touch in the tubes.

It was then that I had the greatest feeling I've ever had in my life. With a 107 degree temperature they knew I was dehydrated and overheated. So they gave me two cooled IVs. I was so dehydrated that my veins were hard to find so they had to go in through my hand. So what was this great feeling? The slow creep of the cold liquid from the IV as it slowly crawled up my arm, into my shoulder, across my chest. I could feel it as the cool moved through my overheated body. And then it hit my heart and exploded throughout my body, like I had fallen into the North Atlantic during December. After the first had drained they hooked up a second, which felt great too but could never match the level of relief and pleasure that the first bag brought.

Why bring this up now? It's too damn hot. Days like this, when I'm overheating, even when I'm well, I think back to that glorious day when I was cool from the inside to the out. If there is a heaven that must be what it feels like.

That is all.

Sometimes I'm such a kid

I'm so excited about Lilo and Stitch!!!

That is all.

Call me...irresponsible

Something tells me I've offended someone. Not just anyone, I don't really care about offending people I don't know, I mean people I like, people I know, people I care about. I feel like I might have offended one of these people and believe me there are not many who belong to this group. I also don't mean offend as in just giving someone a bit of grief, I mean really hurt, severly offended, crossed a line sort of injury.

Anyway, to whomever, if I have I'm sorry. Drop me a line and tell me if I've upset you, I'll apologize and it'll all be good.

That is all.

I don't get it.

What's the deal with leather pants? They don't even look comfortable and I have it on good authority that they are, in fact, uncomfortable to wear. I could understand wearing them, despite their appearance, if they were the most comfortable things in the world, hell, even the second most comfortable. So I just don't get it.

But what else is new.

In other news, got to find a new place in D.C. I'd prefer a roommate but my latest rounds of Homer baiting hasn't been working. Also, have to get a job there too.

People have been off the radar lately. But that's life. Hope I start getting some news back from people on some of these things. I'm going to need a little help if I'm gonna pull this off. As Mark says, "Life is hard." But then he's a 25 year old virgin so what does he know, everything is hard to him I'm sure.

That is all.

On a different note

I've been looking for a job for a while now. You know what's frustrating. Few, if any, of the jobs advertised these days are done by actual companies. Nope, it's usually some employment agency that makes huge promises so the job you believe you're actually applying for is really just a way for them to recruit and evaluate your resume. Then, if they like what they see, they call you in, test your skills and try to market you to companies that don't actually need staff. This should be considered false advertising and I'm sick of it frankly.

That is all.

Big trouble

The following is probably a good example of why I'm not in charge.

You know what I'd do if I were George "W" Bush? I'd get the 15 wealthiest people in the U.S. in a room together. I'd sit them down and say "Gentlemen, our nation has been terrorized by the wealthy elite of a foreign nation. Millionaires in the arab states have funded the poor and ignorant so that they may strike against our nation. I have brought you gentlemen here to urge you to do the same. I would like to see you gentlemen use your finances to strike against these individuals. I encourage you to hire and fund mercenary teams to strike against these arab millionaires, to teach them the true meaning of terror, to strike fear into their hearts."

Basically I'd encourage our millionaires to wage a war against those who fund terror in the Islamic states. Why? You ask. They did it to us. And these men have the money to make it happen. Ross Perot did it to try and free hostages, I like that initiative. But isn't that what our military is for? Yes, our military does this to a certain extent but they can't always operate the way a cell of mercenaries could. Why bring terror to the people who fund terrorists, don't they already live with it? It wouldn't effect them. The thought that the people who fund terrorists also live with them is bull. Most of these guys live well removed from the daily terror that grips that part of the world. The fact is that most of them our Saudi, you know, the guys who's hindquarters we pulled out of the fire ten years ago. Simply put wealth is wealth no matter where you live and those with the money are able to insulate themselves against violence and oppression. The people who truely live with the terror are the poor, it's somewhat ironic that it is these same people who those with wealth often use as the instrument of their agenda. Don't get me wrong I'm not against wealth, like all things it is not the cause of evil only the instrument. The Saudis use their power without respect for it or the pain in can inflict the way a child might use a gun to kill. It is not the gun that is at fault, it is the individual who lack respect for the power of the instrument. The Saudis inherited their wealth by virtue of a valuable commodity, oil. They did not earn it and therefore, they have no respect for it. Those in this camp would argue that "God" put them on that particular piece of property, granting them the oil and the power that came with it. These people are just as deluded as the rest of the "religious" people in the world, whose argument over religion is basically the equivalent of who has the better invisable friend.

So I say to the millionaires of America. Bring terror to these people. Fund attacks on those who fund attacks upon us. Pay mercenaries to attack and kill them, to bring fear into their lives and see how long this war on terror lasts. If for no other reason than it couldn't hurt.

I leave you with a quote (paraphrase actually) from Dennis Miller, "Sure, killing them may bring us down to their level and we become like them, which is victory for them, but at least there will be a lot less of their boys at the celebration."

That is all.

Sweetness and innocence

I saw Scooby-Doo and I may put up a full review later. For now I'll just say this, it was great. I laughed all the way through. Anyone who was a fan of the original series and spin-offs will enjoy this immensely. There are tons and tons of in-jokes not only spoken but visual, they way a character takes or the way a particular situation plays out. It's really entertaining.

I'm also looking forward to Disney's Lilo and Stitch which just looks hilarious. I can't really explain my desire to see this one other than it just seems so, sweet. It reminds me of the old Disney animated features which were fun, funny and innocent. For some reason, that's something I want in my life right now. I just have a feeling, from what I've seen, that they've done this one right. It just looks appealing. I hope you'll join me for a look.

That is all.

Pleasent reminders

Homer has put up some pix from my visit to D.C. here.

I like this one best.



That is all.

And I'll say it again...

*Sigh*, I wish I had a mighty army of whores.

On a related note, despite what I told Ross on the phone the other night, I think I'd like to be involved in a relationship again. I think I'm ready.

Of course I could always have Homer, he has always had a deep lust in his soul for me, but I'm straight.

I've offered to move in with him, since I'm moving back to D.C. and need a roommate and all, but it would be totally platonic and I think that's probably why he turned me down. Yet he keeps sending me filthy e-mails.

*Sigh*

Oh, one last thing, I don't think I've ever seen my friend Fil's dating history so accurately described as this, cruel you say? How quickly you forget his treachery!

That is all.

Even more so...

My friend Ross, who lives in beautiful Hawaii, told me something that fits right in the spirit of some of my previous comments. Which follows: It turns out that the Aloha Bowl, the place that the University of Hawaii at Manoa and the NFL Pro-bowl games are played is actually astroturf. An open air stadium in Hawaii, a tropical environ. It makes me giggle deep in my soul. Not to be confused with the feeling that makes Fil giggly. Though, it's not quite as funny to me as people drying grass, it is close.

That is all.

Drink of champions

Do you know anyone who drinks gatorade? I don't mean drinks it when they're working out, no I mean drinks it as their preferred drink of choice. I know two people. One's a thin computer guy, the other's a beefy midwesterner (like me, but not me). Neither of them has excersized seriously in the last two years, at least. Yet, they regularly consume gatorade. I asked each of them, on different occasions, why they drink a sports drink when they don't really need the supposed advantages of the product, both said they liked the taste. I have to believe them, though I've used to drink gatorade when I was in Tae Kwon Do. I admit, when I was thirsty I guzzled it and it tasted good, but I was in that dehydrated place we've all been to when toilet water would taste good. When I've been fully hydrated and had gatorade it's tasted a bit, salty. Not something I would choose to drink given options. So I don't get it, if you do more power to you man.

PS: Look at the picture below, they're drying GRASS. They're trying to dry the ground, the earth, to keep the earth dry so that people can play a game. Man, we are an egotistical species. GET OUT OF THE DAMN RAIN YOU IDIOTS!!!

That is all.

Quick tip from the peanut gallery

When you need to squeegee grass so people can play golf, maybe, just maybe they should stop playing until the rain passes.




That is all.

Hail

There is actual HAIL falling outside my apartment right now. H-A-I-L. Not hair, not hall, but hail. Wacky.

On a different note, Ross e-mailed me re: my blogs of late and one of his comments had me really laughing. He was commenting on this particlular entry, here's what he said "my only hope is that if i ever have my 15min of fame its not in a situation like that." I think his comment is something we can all agree on, not just for Ross (who is a horrible singer) but in general.

Huh, life is quirky. In the time I've been writing the hail has stopped and it is now sunny outside. Sign of the end or just wacky weather? I'll leave that to you but if they sky starts bleeding I suggest you run. Capt. Obvious here, I just keep passing out the gems.

Moving on Scooby Doo opens this weekend and I'm planing on giving it a look but I'm also going to go see Spiderman again. And maybe even ATOC again because both were really good movies. This has been, for action films at least, one of the best years in recent memory and I intend to enjoy its' spoils on the big screen for as long as I can.

That is all.

The height of optimism

Can you believe this? I saw an ad for this huge, steaming pile of quasi entertainment in which the one of the girls who is rejected says something to the effect of "Well, that's his opinion but I think he's wrong." after one of the judges tells her that she is the worst singer in the world (which is, in fact, my sister, not the woman on the show). Everything has be come relativist these days. It's no longer fact, it's arbitrary. There is no "truth" just opinion.

BULLSHIT. I'm sorry to break reality to this young lady and a good portion of the rest of the populace but there are some empirical "facts" and "truth" left. The fact is that these three judges were probably qualified to make these selections and their opinions, it can be assumed, fall in that relm of reality. Sorry, you suck. That's just the way life is, anyone who knows me knows that I'm never going to model speedos but hey, that's life. I'm not saying we're not entitled to our dreams but we should temper our hopes with a dash of reality now and then. In some areas there are no limits, in others limitations are very real. So maybe your voice does not make appealing sounds when you try to sing, perhaps, like me, your body type is not one that would look appealing in spandex...these are physical limitations and they are very real. And no matter how many singing lessons you take, you're not going to reach a professional level. No matter how much I excercise I'm not going to be an olympic gymnast. But as I said, these are only physical limitations. If you love music, find another way to be involved, use your mind and your other skills to be a part of this thing you enjoy. But don't delude yourself into believing that a qualified professional is wrong.

Personally, I blame our culture for this. Warhol was right. And now most americans not only believe that they will be famous but think it's their right to be famous and have their self worth dashed when they are proved wrong. Egomaniacal motherfuckers. GROW UP.

That is all.

Misc.

Went to the grocery store today, wore damn sandals. Well, actually, more like flip-flops, not true sandals, some people call them thong sandals. Anyway, they may be great on the beach but save yourself the trouble on concrete.

Beyond that, popsicle weather again. Got me a ton. It's just frozen water and flavoring but damned if it don't take the heat away. And you get bad jokes on the stick too.

Was listening to some music today and, quite unconscienciously, I was tapping my foot. What is it in our biology that, when we hear a beat, we just feel it. It was one of those little moments that really keys you into your own humanity. I like to savor those moments.

BTW: Tyson got his ass kicked. Just thought you should know. I like Mike, always have since I was a kid but he's let his personal life take him out of the ring mentally. It's a shame, I really wonder what he'd have done if he hadn't had all the trouble these many years.

That is all.

PS: Bonus points if you managed to read that last full sentance without getting motion sick.

On a lighter note...

I'm weak. I ordered chinese food again. Twice in one week, *sigh*, so much for saving money.

Anyway, here's my fortune(s) again:

Friends long absent are coming back to you.

Nick sez: I don't know why, but this seems so familiar.

Your dearest wish will come true.

Nick sez: Apparently Elizabeth Hurley didn't have a child and wants to be my love slave.

That is all.

Fear

You're going to die. I know, you know. We all know we're going to die. For the most part I try to avoid thinking about it, I'm sure many of you do too. I think it's an issue of what you believe, specifically religious beliefs. Do you believe in a higher power? Heaven? I'm not talking specifics here, just a general belief in the afterlife. If you do then the thought of dying isn't all that bad. Ponder this however, what if that doesn't exist. What if, when you die, that's it. Whatever tangible soul or persona you have, contained within the bioelectrics of your brain, dies when your brain no longer receives oxygen. Gone, over. Then your friends and relatives have a service to remember you. Your body is dressed in the best selection of suits or other clothing in your closet, your body is drained of its vital fluids and filled with a chemical preservative. Your body is then placed in a box which is placed in a larger metal box and covered in six feet of dirt. That is it. No afterlife, nothing. Whatever you were as a person, tangible and intangible are gone. Really think on this. These thoughts enough to make you believe in "some" indefinable higher power despite any kind of tangible proof or validation?

About now I usually feel a cold shiver running down my spine, my eyes are open wide and my breathing has become panicked. Because I don't believe, at all, not even a little. The part that scares me most is that death doesn't really follow any given formula. Sure, if you eat right, exercise and generally make an effort to take care of yourself (regular visits to the doctor etc.) you can stave it off. Most people don't even do that much and they live a good 60 years or so. But then people who are in great shape die unexpectedly too. They throw a clot, have an heart attack or an anyurism (not spelled right I know, but I'm on a roll here). Just drop dead.

I know these thoughts aren't original or new. I'm not breaking any ground here. But they still keep me up. And I mean UP. I'm not just talking nights, I'm talking days. Four is my record. I'll get so tired I can't see straight, my speech is slurred and it's all I can do to walk ten steps. Then, just as I rest my head on the pillow these thoughts hit me in a rush. My eyes push wide open and I'm stuck, still awake, no chance of sleep. This is how it hits me initially too. I'll just be going to bed, for no good reason I'll start thinking about it, and then I'll be awake for a few days, trying to push these thoughts back into the dark crevice of my mind from which they sprang.

You are going to die. There is nothing after and you're going to die. That is real fear.

Pleasent dreams.

That is all.

Two balms, no waiting...

At this very moment I have two medicated balms on my poor, burned right arm.

Neosporin and Aloe. I hope they don't combine to form toxic fumes the way bleach and amonia do...

That is all.

Copyright infringement

While still trying to avoid cleaning my apartment I noticed that Fil has copyrighted his site.

I'm going to have to think of a clever way to infringe upon his copyright. Just for fun. Of course the open admission of my intent to do this in a near public forum is probably a bad idea but what the hell, I'm a sucker for punishment, plus it will only make it all the more challenging.

Ah, back to work.

That is all.

Fortune Cookie

I'm going to make this a regular posting. When ever I eat "chinese" I'm going to post my fortune.

I got two cookies in last night's meal, so in no particular order:

You have a friendly heart and are well admired

Nick sez: Obviously this is the Will Rogers of fortune cookies, cause it's clearly never met me.

Friends long absent are coming back to you

Nick sez: Well, actually, it's more like I'm going to them but close...

Hope you found these as amusing as I did.

That is all.

You know you're in trouble when...

You have to put together a timeline just to figure out exactly what you've been doing for the last two weeks.

Also, I left my apartment neat, came back and it's a mess. I don't know how that happened but I've got to unpack, it's been taking the better part of the day.

Still working on DC trip blog, believe me it's going to be epic.

That is all.

I need a rest from my vacation...

Wow, finally back in Chicago. Got stuck with my mother and my sister in WI for a few days but I finally was able to make a break for it and get back to Chi town. I'm never going away again. I have a back log like you wouldn't believe. I'm going to cower in my little corner now.

Expect a massive, and I do mean massive, update soon.

BTW: Guess who's updating, as my friend Fil put it, Bad Boys of Computer Science. Big up to my friend Ross, who also notified me.

That is all.